I hope you realize you are worth more than you think you are. You deserve better than what she would have provided you. A woman is not suppose to stay home all day, do nothing, and have you come home to a messy house, with no appreciation to show towards you. I hope you realize that your hard work is noticed and that I am so proud of the man you are striving to be. I am sorry you think you have to work as hard as you are, I tried encouraging you to go back to school, but you didn’t want me to push. Yes, I see your struggle. Yes, it DOES bother me that you and our family are so far from me, that I can’t simple hop in the car at a simple call without having to take leave. I think about you often and what you are doing for the family. I hope that you one day realize that I am working hard to secure the future of the family and it isn’t just for me.
I want you to know that all the hard work you are doing is of your own making, and I a PROUD of you for taking your own route. You wanted to get out of my shadow, and for you the only way to do that was to never do anything like me. So, with that in mind, your life was hard….but you chose that route and I am proud you made it your own. It kills me to see you struggle the way you do, but take pride in knowing that it is making you stronger.
Your words hurt me, calling me selfish. You don’t realize that when you were kicked out of the house I worked three jobs and went to two schools full time just to get the degree I have now. You don’t realize that I struggled buying food at the 99 cents store just to make sure you had shoes, shirts, or anything you might have asked me for. You don’t realize that you were the reason I worked so hard. I wanted to you to have a better life, for us to have a better life. I guess you just didn’t see it that way. I am sorry.
I wish you would realize that I love you more than you will ever know, and despite you saying I never did anything for you, I hope you look back and think just how many times I was there for you. Helping you isn’t “when it’s convenient for me” it’s my duty as your older sister. I do my best with what I have. Didn’t you ever realize that I am just a phone call away? Didn’t you ever realize that the pride you have when it comes to asking for something makes it harder to be there for you?
I hope you learn that your hostility and pride will be the reason you lose out in life. Stop acting as if everyone shit in your coffee every morning. The world doesn’t owe you shit. You have to fight for it in a smart way, not the hard way. Do you remember when all I had to do for you was to get into a full class was to make a phone call? How you were IN for that EMT class….but you never showed up. Getting that call from the professor I pulled strings with to get you in….and you didn’t show up. Instead you decide to drop out, all that potential down the drain. I still have hope that one day you will go back to school.
I hope and pray that you one day are able to let go of whatever it is that is holding you back….AND LIVE. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you and wish you all the happiness in the world. I hope that you are able to read this and not get mad because it is things that need to be said. If you never end up reading this, then that’s fine too. Just know that I love you and whatever happens in life I am honored to be your sister